Fitting In

As I write this I am sitting in a coffee house drinking, well, coffee.  Ah, coffee.  I did not drink coffee until I was in my late 20s.  Before I met my wife the beverage of choice in the morning was Mt. Dew.  As the day wore on I was open to any soda, but nothing got the day going like some Dew.  Then along comes this woman who drank coffee.  I always liked the smell of coffee, but the taste put me off.  I found this woman who drank coffee very attractive (still do) and she was a much better student than I was (which mattered since we were both in grad school).  So I thought maybe it was time to give coffee a try.  It may impress this lady and who knows, coffee might be the source of her outstanding academic abilities.  I made a point to go out and buy a coffee pot (no small expense for a poor grad student) and to solicit her advice as to what type of coffee I should drink.  And guess what - it worked!  Developing a coffee addiction resulted in this woman marrying me and a greatly improved GPA (as well as kidney stones, but what is life without a few trade-offs). Now I am hooked - on coffee and the woman who, like Eve, led me into temptation. 
I have a number of habits and a few addictions (Cheez Its crackers falling into both categories) most of which I don't recall when I picked them up.  Yet every single one of them started somewhere and most likely began as an attempt to impress someone else.  It is truly amazing the lengths to which I will go to be liked and fit in.  As a child of say 8 or 9 all I wanted was to be selected for our church's youth choir.  The kids in that choir were so cool, got to sing the latest songs and the boys, oh, the boys got to wear lime green polyester leisure suits. At the time I thought that was the end all be all of existence.  What better way to fit in with the "in" group than to wear clothes made out of a fabric that does not breath or exist in nature.  And honestly, nothing says, "please like me" more than a boy who willingly dons lime green.  OK, show choir outfits with all those sequins are a more desperate cry for acceptance, but the leisure suit is a very close second.
I long ago kicked the leisure suit habit.  What I remember from that period of my life was the wanting to be part of the group.  The need to feel accepted and wanted is wired into almost all human beings.  We are social animals who desire community.  Yet, we can also be unbelievably cruel to each other and invent elaborate and creative ways to exclude each one another. The very primal need to be accepted results in us behaving in ways that reject others.  Fascinating creatures, we humans.
I guess that is why for the last two thousand years or so those who call themselves followers of Jesus have struggled to live out our faith.  The gospel is about inclusion, about God opening up the doors and inviting everyone to the table.  No one gets left out, no one is excluded.  This is tremendous news to those of us who have felt unwanted or ignored.  Finally, we are the "in" crowd.  There is only one catch.  As we have been welcomed, just as we are (with or without the lime green leisure suit) so we are to welcome others. Sounds great.  No problem.  Wait, how do we do that?
We give it a shot, make an effort to be open, but old habits die hard.  Soon, those of us who have been blessed by God start making up ways to deny those same blessings to others.  You have to dress a certain way, think a certain way, make a so much money, be married, single, straight, gay, old, young...  Little wonder that some folks look at us, the followers of Jesus, and just shake their heads.
But, here is some good news.  God's love and acceptance, God's gracious invitation to the fullness of life through Jesus Christ is greater than our ability to restrict it.  Every time we put a barrier up, God comes along and knocks it down.  Each time we say "no" to someone God turns around and gives them the best seat in the house.  And each time we mess it up, God looks at us, smiles, and says "Let's try this again.  Everybody is welcome."  Even those of us who don't always get it right are still welcome into the kingdom of God.
If you have been excluded by the church before, take heart.  God has never rescinded your invitation to the party.  For those of us who have excluded others, take heart.  Becoming Christ-like is a long process.  And for all of us, hear the good news.  Through Jesus Christ God has invited each and every one of us to the fullness of life.  Enjoy it, rejoice in it, live it and then, share it with someone else.  No matter who they are, what they dress like, or what kind of beverage their soon-to-be spouse gets them hooked on.

God and Mr. Potato head

So, when you were a kid did you have a Mr./Mrs. Potato Head? I did (it was a Mr. for what it's worth). It was not my favorite childhood toy by any stretch of the imagination. In fact the two things that I found redeeming about the plastic spud was 1) you could hide his parts in his bottom and what young boy doesn't find that funny, and 2) that you could put the pieces in the most bizarre combinations. My siblings and I would put his lips where his ears went, his mouth on top of his head, or his try and place his hat where the eyes belonged. Yes, I know, we needed help. Or more time away from the television. Or both.
Why do I bring this up? Well, sometimes when I think about my own image of God it reminds me of Mr. Potato Head. Over the years I have picked up all sorts of bits and pieces about who and what God is. Through songs, images, films, writings and just talking to other people I have collected these various "God-parts" and then tried to assemble them on this thing I call "God" (who, for the record, is not plastic, shaped like a potato, or has a hinged bottom). I don't try to make God into some bizarre freak, but honestly, some days, God just looks like Mr. Potato Head. Even though the pieces fit, nothing looks right.
Yet, how do I know what God is supposed to look like? With Mr. Potato Head it was easy. He was designed to look like a plastic potato dressed up as a human (and you think I need help. What about the people who came up with this toy in the first place!) God? Well that is a bit more complicated.
This is why I am convinced that we need each other, why faith is not something we were destined to do by ourselves. Community is a place where I can bring my insights and share them with you and you share your what you have learned about God with me. The bigger the community the more "parts" we have to "play" with. Then we work together to put all these "God-pieces" in place. Do faith communities always get the parts in the right place? No. Sometimes our God looks like one really interesting Mr. Potato Head. When that happens we try again. That is why community is such an incredible gift. There is always another opportunity to listen and learn, to figure out who God is and what God looks like.

Lessons from Kindergarten #1

Things I Learned in Kindergarten...well, actually the title should be "Things I Learned While Working in My Daughter's Kindergarten Class on Friday Afternoons," but honestly, that really doesn't roll off the tongue does it?

Jesus was big on children and believed that they had some special insights about faith. Overlooking the fact that Jesus did not have kids, and thus was spared changing dirty diapers and dealing with a two year old who have just learned the word "no," let assume he was right. I have put my keen intellect to the task and come up with several "insights" about faith that I discovered while working in my daughter's Kindergarten class. Here we go:

#1 - Spelling is a Communal Activity

Kindergarten is not the same anymore. Granted, its been a few years, but I vaguely remember that Kindergarten was basically a prep course for elementary school. We might have worked on our alphabet and numbers. Perhaps we even learned a few colors and shapes. But the real focus was on social skills. And naps. The rage in nap time fashion in the 70s were these little rugs that had been made from strips of cloth. Everybody had one. No one wanted to use it. To this day my back hurts just thinking about laying on that rag-rug on the hard floor. Oh to be young and limber again!

Social skills were important because for most of my classmates this was the first time we were thrown in with a bunch of other kids for an extended period of time. So, in order to avoid a potentially chaotic situation in 1st grade we were shipped off to school to learn how to sit, listen, share, sit, and nap.

Today, kids have more experience with being in settings with other kids. Preschools and daycare have cornered the market on basic social skills (except for tattling, but we have already covered that little jewel in the last blog) so now Kindergarten is all about hardcore learning. There are no rugs, no naps. Nope, today the little tykes are expected to walk into 1st grade knowing how to count to at least 100 (by 1s, 2s, 5s, and 10s) and recognize shapes that I did not learn till 3rd grade. ABC's? Forget about it. They are reading, and not just Dick and Jane kiddies books. I swear I saw a kid in my daughter's class browsing through a copy of "Ulysses"!

With reading comes writing. From day one the teacher had the kids do something called Writer's Workshop. They get a special piece of paper on which they are to write a story and then draw a picture about it. In the fall the kids were able to draw better than write. But as the year wore on they had to write longer and more complicated stories. Writing involves one of my least favorite activities in the world - spelling. The kids come up with some wonderful ideas for stories but they don't always know how to spell the words. So they ask the teacher, or me (big, I mean big mistake). Or they ask someone else at their table. This, to me, is the greatest part of Writer's Workshop, watching 5 and 6 year olds try and figure out how to spell. Sometimes one of the kids at the table knows how to spell the word and slowly tells the other child what letters to write down. If no one knows how to spell the word the whole table brainstorms together and comes up with a solution. They don't always get it right, but that is okay. What they are figuring out is that learning new things can be hard. Better to work together than go it alone.

These kids get the point of faith communities (aka Church). Faith is not easy! There are lots of questions and sometimes we struggle to find the answers on our own. But God has given us this incredible gift of community, a bunch of people sitting at our table who can help us figure out the problem. Do faith communities always get the right answer? No, but that is okay. We keep working together, learning together, serving together, loving together. Along the way we learn that faith is not always about the right answer but rather is about being in community with each other and God. Relationships are the answer. And naps, but not on the hard floor.

Lessons From Kindergarten #4

Things I Learned in Kindergarten...well, actually the title should be "Things I Learned While Working in My Daughter's Kindergarten Class on Friday Afternoons," but honestly, that really doesn't roll off the tongue does it?

Jesus was big on children and believed that they had some special insights about faith. Overlooking the fact that Jesus did not have kids, and thus was spared changing dirty diapers and dealing with a two year old who have just learned the word "no," let assume he was right. I have put my keen intellect to the task and come up with several "insights" about faith that I discovered while working in my daughter's Kindergarten class. Here we go:

#4 There Are Some Things You Just Gotta Tell the Teacher About

I mentioned in an earlier blog that there is a general routine in my daughter's class. The most consistent part of that routine takes place shortly after the kids arrive. They all go over to a carpeted area, try their best to sit on their bottoms and go through a series of activities. These include singing songs about the days of the week and what the weather is like outside. Heck, they even have a little ditty about money (quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies...as if pennies are really worth anything nowadays). Then the teacher reads them two or three books. It is by far the most predictable part of the day. I love it, in part because I get to sit in one of those tiny little chairs and watch how the kids interact with each other and to the story. I would love it more if my daughter would stop sitting with her back towards me so I can't see what she is doing. I can't prove that she is stonewalling me on purpose, but knowing this kid, its all premeditated. Oh, she knows what she is doing, alright!

My absolute favorite part of what I call "Carpet Time" comes towards the end. The teacher looks out at the kids, most of whom have their hands so far up in the air that I swear they are going to pull something, and calls on five. Just five. Its a real bummer if you are number six, but hey there is always Monday's "Carpet Time." The five don't have to answer any questions. They are free to share whatever is on their minds, hearts, or sleeves. When this sharing time comes some of the kids look like they are about to burst. They just have to tell the teacher that they are going to Grandma's for a sleepover, or that it is their brother's birthday, or that their dog peed on the carpet yesterday. The highlight was the kid who told the teacher they had thrown-up three times the night before, obviously forgetting that Mommy and/or Daddy told them to lay low about the puke-a-thon since they were not supposed to be in school. Poor kid was sent to the nurse's office so fast they had no idea what was happening to them.

What is so impressive about this is not just that the teacher listens to the kids (and she does) but that she has makes the time/space for them to share. She understands that kids need to tell someone about what is going in their world. Now, I may not see what is so important about Fido relieving himself on the Living Room carpet, but it mattered to the child. Adults are no different than kids in this respect. We all need safe space where we can unload the stuff we are carrying around.

This what makes community so important. Sure, anyone can believe in God. But if faith is something we do by ourselves then we miss out on the gift of community. True Christian community is safe space where we can bring all of our joys and sorrows and know that there are people who want to listen. And the best part... if you are number six you still get to share!

Lessons From Kindergarten #5

Things I Learned in Kindergarten...well, actually the title should be "Things I Learned While Working in My Daughter's Kindergarten Class on Friday Afternoons," but honestly, that really doesn't roll off the tongue does it?

Jesus was big on children and believed that they had some special insights about faith. Overlooking the fact that Jesus did not have kids, and thus was spared changing dirty diapers and dealing with a two year old who have just learned the word "no," let assume he was right. I have put my keen intellect to the task and come up with several "insights" about faith that I discovered while working in my daughter's Kindergarten class. Here we go:

#5 Raise Your Hand, Even If you Don't Know What the Question Is

I have taught at the university level before. In my class there is a certain pattern. I ask the class a question, they wait to hear the question, those that actually listened to my question might raise their hand to answer, if not I call on some unlucky victim. Its all so civilized.

I have not taught Kindergarten before. There are reasons for this. Many, many reasons. One is that the whole question/answer dynamic is messed up. In my daughter's class, the teacher starts to ask a question and, I kind you not, before she is three words into the question half the class has their hands up. They have no idea what the question is and even less of a clue about the answer. In fact, I am convinced that as soon as their hands go up their ears shut down. It must have something to do with blood pressure levels, but the hand/ear coordination is tied into how high in the air their hands are. The bigger the reach towards the sky, the less likely they are to listen.

The real fun begins after the teacher finishes asking the question. At a minimum the first five answers are wrong. Dead wrong. That is assuming they have an answer. It is not unusual for a child to get called on and have absolutely nothing to say. These are the kids that have not learned to wing it...yet. They did not hear the question and thus have no idea what the answer is or should be.

For the first nine months of school I found this very frustrating. Then it dawned on me that answering the question, while nice, is not the goal. No, the real objective is to get called on, to be recognized by the teacher. Getting the answer right when you are called on is icing on the cake, the cherry on top, but not at all essential. Why? Because even if they get the answer wrong they have learned that there is no punishment and that the teacher will call on them next time.

Even as adults we continue to crave this kind of recognition. Yet we live in a society where it seems like you only get noticed if you get the answer right (or really wrong, in which case law enforcement gets involved. Not fun.) Now, lets be clear, I like it when I get the right answer to the question. I really like it when my students get the correct answer. Any I really, really, really love it when they get the right answer to the question I actually asked. And I think that God likes it when we get it right as well. Yet, even when we get it wrong God still loves to call on us, to say our name, to let us know that we are alive and that we matter. That is the attitude that we seek to emulate as people of faith. In our communities we strive to value people for who they are, right or wrong (though we try to help folks get it right). We work hard at finding ways to call on people and to just celebrate that they took the time to raise their hands. Because sometimes it is more important to be recognized than to be right.