Second String

For those of you who have been following The Blog, you know that my son tried out for the travel soccer team.  Well, he made it.  Which is great because being part of this team is real exciting for him. He is, in every sense of the word, a team player.  Last year he was part of a Destination Imagination group.  During the DI competition his team went bowling as a way to kill time until the awards ceremony.  It was something to watch my son.  He was giving everybody high-fives after they bowled, shouting out words of encouragement and in general seemed more concerned about his teammates than himself.  Cool kid (now if he could only treat his little sister so well!)

My son is a decent soccer player, but without question there are better players on his team.  His coaches know this, so do his teammates, and my son is aware of it as well.  He does get playing time, but he has yet to start a game.  I am not one of those parents that believes my child is entitled to be treated as a superstar just because he has a pulse.  If I were his coach I would not start him either.  What I can't wrap my mind around is the fact that not only does my son know he is on the second string but he is okay with it.  It does not bother him.  He plays when his coach tells him to go and sits and cheers when he is on the bench.

My son has many of my personality traits, but we are very different when it comes to how we handle not being on the first team.  Now, before you jump to conclusions, I too am very much a team player.  If I am not in the game I don't pout.  I want whatever team I am on to win and if my presence on the bench will make that happen then so be it.  But, I want to be on the first team.  Always.  Badly.  Not being one of the best motivates me to work harder.  I am never okay with being second string (or third or, gulp, fourth).  I want to be good enough to be out there when it matters.  This applies not just to sports but almost any activity I am part of.  If I am auditioning for a play, I want the lead part.  That is who I am.

I have spent a good bit of time trying to figure out my son.  Is his acceptance of being second string a sign of an emotionally secure young man who is comfortable with who he is and what he can, and cannot, do?  I would like to think so, but I also wonder what it says about his motivation.  Part of me wants him to be a bit upset with not being the best, to use it as an incentive to work harder and push himself to see just what he is capable of achieving.  Then I wonder if I am projecting my own insecurities and issues on the poor boy.  Just because I have this aching feeling when I am not the best at something does not mean he has to.  What if I am the messed up one here, unable to accept who I am?  Just because you are not the best at everything does not mean you are a failure.  Or at least that is what I have been told.

So, as I am trying to sort this all out I begin to ponder why it is that God has given us these seemingly conflicting ideals - contentment and desire.  Neither one is inherently bad, though both can be misused.  I do believe that you can become too comfortable and that the need to be the best can consume you.  What I don't know is where the balancing point is.  How much contentment and how much desire?  When is it time to work harder and when is it okay to say this is as good as it gets?  Does God love me the way that I am?  If so, why does so much of scripture talk about trying to be more holy, more faithful, more just, more loving?  I am not perfect, and never will be, but what limitations are acceptable and what needs to be changed?

I wonder if the answer lies in why we strive (or don't try) to be better than we are.  If the driving force is insecurity, the need to be the best because deep down you don't believe in yourself (the flip side of this is not trying because you don't think you will ever be good enough) then we are likely chasing after the wind.  No matter what we do it will never be enough.  If however, we are trying to be the best we can be  out of gratitude to God, then we just might find that we can do more than we ever thought possible.  Work hard, push yourself as an act of joy to see what is just over the horizon, but do so with the knowledge that at the end of the day God loves you no matter if you are in the starting lineup or on the bench.  And because God loves you, it is okay to love yourself regardless of what string you are.

This is what I hope and pray motivates my son.  God gave him some athletic ability and he is happy to do what he can with it.  It may never make him millions of dollars (so much for my early retirement) but that was never the point of playing soccer.  He just loves to run and play.  He likes the coaching, loves being part of the team, and knows that his self-worth is not tied up in his place in the lineup.  I hope that he can live his whole life like this.  May you live your life in this joyful frame of mind as well.