Free Samples

I consider myself lucky.  Most days I am not afraid to take my kids to the store.  They are reasonably well behaved.  Sure, they have had theirr moments when, were it not for surveillance cameras, I would have bolted for the car without them.  What parent has not felt that way.  Yet, 9 times out of 10 I know that we can go to the store and I don't have to worry about being asked to leave because my kids are freaking out the other patrons.  That all changes, however, if they get the faintest hint of free samples.  Imagine the hoards of Genghis Khan about to plunder, or a plague of locust descending on an open field of wheat, and you get a sense of what my offspring are capable of.

I have no real clue where their approach to free samples comes from.  It is not like I starve them at home.  We don't deprive them of sweets (though they do have to clean their plate of fruits and veggies to get desert).  I have tried to instill in them to value of that which is free.  We were walking down the street last fall and some local merchants had hired a DJ to stand on the sidewalk and promote their businesses.  When the DJ saw my kids and I coming his way he called us over, asked us our names, and then gave us a $10 gift certificate to the local candy store.  To this day, if you ask my children, they will tell you that they only thing in the world better than chocolate is free chocolate.  Still, the gusto with which my kids attack free samples goes beyond anything I can take credit for.  It is instinctive, primal, and at times a bit scary. 

At least their enthusiasm for free samples does not spill over into their being selfish.  They each take only one and then move on to their next target.  What is interesting to watch is their reaction when there are not enough samples to go around.  If there is one sample available, the rules are pretty simple - whoever gets there first wins.  Since two-thirds of my children are shut-out it somehow seems fair in their minds.  The majority lost out, so time to look for the next free cookie sample.  But when there are two samples left, well, three kids and two pieces of cake creates an interesting dynamic.  Someone, and the key word here is one, is going to get left out.  Misery loves company.  None of my kids enjoys being the only one without icing on their face.

It is at these times that something very, very strange happens to my kids.  Something that I am not sure how to handle.  In the dark days of yesteryear, when I was a lad, watching one of my siblings miss out on a free sample was half the fun.  Free piece of candy - great.  Free piece of candy while watching your little brother have a meltdown because he did not get one - absolutely priceless.  This is the type of behaviour I expect from my kids, only they don't seem all that interested in rubbing salt in an open wound.  Don't get me wrong, they know each others buttons and spend countless hours pushing them, but when it comes to free samples they get all...I don't know...compassionate.

When one of my kids misses out on the free sample lottery, the others will often start searching for some other freebie (after they have devoured their free sample, of course).  If they find one they call out to their sibling and then, and this is the part that really confuses me, if there are not enough to go around they will let the one who did not get the last sample go first.  I am not making this up people.  I have seen it with my own eyes.  I tell you these kids would never have survived growing up with me as their brother.  So how is it that they seem to be doing so well with me as their dad?

Naturally, many of you will want to credit my significant other for any displays of kindness and caring that our children exhibit.  While not completely unfounded, this explanation would require you to ignore my wife's own childhood exploits (she has three siblings as well).  The stories I could tell (but won't because she reads this blog and I want to sleep in my own bed tonight).  Suffice to say she was no angel.

Parenting is an unfathomable mystery.  Obviously there are direct connections that can be made between the actions of a parent and the behavior of their child.  Yet, some things about raising children are beyond the realm of simple explanation.  I am convinced that there is a God for no other reason than my children seem to be able to transcend so many of the issues that plague my own life. They are not perfect, believe me.  Still, I watch them and realize that in spite of my own deficiencies they are turning out to be people who embody so much of what I preach about (I know God has to be involved because they never, never, listen to me preach.  Ever.  Under any circumstances.  To be honest, I am at a loss to name a time when they do listen to me...about anything). 

So, as bizarre as it may sound, I actually look forward to taking my kids to places where there are free samples.  Not only do I get a tasty treat to eat, but I get to bask in the glow of my children being compassionate.  Oh, and if there are enough free samples I might not have to make dinner.  Sweet.