"Or" - Conjunction Junction 2

There are an endless variety of parenting strategies designed to help kids become mature, responsible adults.  After an exhausting three year, double-blind study my wife and I opted to employ what we affectionately refer to as the Privilege Policy.  The concept is rather simple (well, at least we understand it, our kids...still working on it).  Everything, short of breathing and Mom and Dad's undying love, is a privilege.  Doing what is expected and behaving in an age appropriate manner leads to a treasure trove of privileges - movies, TV, sleepovers, birthday parties, and dinner.  Yes, mealtime is on the table, if you will.  Ask my youngest.  She can tell you that temper tantrums over what we are having to eat results in being sent to bed sans supper.
Parenting is not for wimps. 

While the Privilege Policy may sound rather draconian (I do recall reading some Dickens prior to our first child being born) it is not as heartless as it might seem (though my kids would beg to differ).  Privileges are not earned in our house, but they can be lost.  Once taken away they must be reacquired, but we begin with the understanding that all of the special things in life are going to happen.  Our children are the ones who make the choices that determine whether the day goes on as everyone hopes, or whether privileges get taken away. 

We try to connect the privilege with the behavior, but it is an art not a science.  Yes, there are times when my wife and I get things out of sync.  Take last night when, surprise-surprise, my youngest was unhappy about the vegetable de jure.  One hour after everyone else had finished their meal she was still at the table, plate full of green beans.  It took the threat of not going Trick-or-Treating on Halloween to get her to finally consume the unwanted beans.  Not one for the highlight reel, but fruits and veggies are non-negotitable in our family...especially when you were hungry enough to eat the sugary snack given to you at the end of soccer but then complain about being too full to eat green beans at dinner.

The Privilege Policy is built around the idea of consequences.  What you do, or do not do, has an affect on what happens next.  Life is full of choices and, no matter how small, all the choices matter.  The key is knowing what the consequences are. So, before a privilege is lost, we explain what will happen if certain behaviors or attitudes continue.  Don't want to clean your room?  OK, but know that if you are not responsible enough to take care of your room then you are not ready to have a sleepover.  You decide what you want more-the sleepover or not cleaning your room.  Your call, your choice.

The concept of clear cut consequences for our actions is not without Biblical warrant.  There are many pages of Scripture in which the writers tell us what the rules are.  If we do the things God asks us to do, then certain things, often good things, will happen.  Or, if we opt not to listen to God's commands, then there are consequences.  More often than not, these are not good.  The choice is ours.  This or that.  Good or bad.  Blessing or curse.

There are lots of folks in the world who live their lives and understand their relationship with God as an "Or".  Each day there are choices to be made and consequences for those choices.  Direct consequences.  If you are sick, then you did something wrong and you are suffering the consequences of your prior decisions.  Problems with your spouse or children?  Poor?  Unemployed?  Country going through a recession?  New York attacked by terrorists?  All can be explained as consequences for not following the will of God.  The Bible contains all of the rules, all of the "or's" that we need to know.  There is no one to blame but ourselves if we get the "or" that was promised.

I do believe that all of our actions have consequences.  Yet, most of the time we are not the ones who experience them and we don't often know what those consequences are until they happen.  When executives at Enron bankrupted that company some of them went to jail.  But thousands of employees, who had no idea what was going on and played no part in the illegal scams, lost their jobs, retirement, savings, homes, everything.  When Haiti was devastated by and earthquake earlier this year tens of thousands of people lost their lives because most buildings were not able to withstand the shock.  Yet, millions of people around the world reached out with money and food and water and medical care to help.  The consequences of the building codes in Port-a-Prince reached out across the globe in ways no one could ever imagine.

"Or" should be part of our relationship with God.  But it has to go beyond ourselves.  If we limit our understanding of consequence to just what we do and how it impacts our lives, then we have missed the point.  The "Or" is about others, not just us.  What we choose to do, or not do; say, or not say, needs to take into account the far reaching consequences of our actions and words.  Lives can be changed, for good or ill, by what we say and do.  The choices are ours, even if we can't always control the consequences.

Here is something else to consider about God and "Or".  God is never limited by the "Or".  The consequences of my actions, even the negative ones, are not the end of the story.  God is always at work redeeming and transforming that which is broken.  Every consequence is an opportunity for God to bring hope and life and love into the world that God created.  Does God want us to make good choices?  Absolutely!  Does God want us to think about the ramifications of our actions on others?  Without question!  Is God able to take even our worst decisions and transform them, resurrect them?  Yes, yes, and yes!  That, dear reader, is what Easter is all about.

"Or" should encourage us to think.  "Or" should motivate us to care about other people.  "Or" is a part of how God relates to us and God's world.  Yet, "Or" should not paralyze us nor should it lead us to live our lives out of fear.  Rather, "Or" is an invitation to a deeper relationship with God and with all of creation.